September 2011
4 posts
3 tags
3 tags
6 tags
2 tags
March 2011
1 post
“Never dwell on possibilities.”
– SOF second squad, rule seven.
February 2011
2 posts
2 tags
Reason #1874 why I love you.
Julia: Why do you become negatively charged if a cat rubs against you?
Steven: Gives us negative electrons!
Julia: Why?
Steven: We're a bigger sink.
Steven: Humans are larger, I think. It's like how the Earth takes in charges because it's grounded.
Julia: Okay.
Steven: Mhm.
Steven: But the charge is unimportant.
Steven: What's more important is that you have a cat rubbing against you.
“Your lips find my lips
my hand rests behind your neck
and now our eyes close.”
– Daily Haiku on Love by Tyler Knott Gregson (via tylerknott)
December 2010
1 post
Crying in the shower is weird
because it just feels like you’re making ugly faces while washing your face. But then your nose gets really stuffy and you realize you must have been pretty sad…
October 2010
3 posts
Omegle at Derrick's house.
Stranger: hi
You: Hi my name is Derrick. Wanna cyber?
(Derrick in the background: What? No!)
Stranger: ok asl?
You: 19/m/usa
You: Okay, so I slowly remove my bra...
You: Wait, asl?
Stranger: are you a boy or a girl
You: A boy.
Stranger: why do you have a bra
You: That was a typo.
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
Stupid.
Julia: I beat the final boss easily but was a little overleveled since I decided to use Chie last second.
Sam: Oh, does that mean you beat the game?
Julia: No, I beat the final boss and turned the game off.
Sam: Ahh okay, yeah that's what everyone did.
September 2010
6 posts
More good advice.
Julia: What should I eat: a Hot Pocket or cereal?
Jack: Both. The fiber from the cereal should cancel out the diarrhea from the Hot Pocket.
Excellent advice.
Mox: Oh! I have advice.
Mox: If people are looking at your boobs, just pick your nose.
Mox: Then they'll look at your nose.
“What I want is to be needed. What I need is to be indispensable to somebody. Who...”
– Chuck Palahniuk (via #johannal) (via quote-book) (via leighannuh)
July 2010
7 posts
“[His] love life is not doomed, no matter how lame he is.”
– Steven
The lesson? Watch more porn.
So a few weeks ago, Derrick had his computer invaded by a gnarly virus. It completely overtook his system, disallowing the user to access Task Manager, running impostor antivirus software, and even downloading porn files onto his desktop before our very eyes.
We spent hours trying to fix it to no avail. Annoyed, I told him to stop downloading so much porn. Equally annoyed, he adamantly denied it...
3 tags
“Life is pretty lame after an anime con.”
– Steven
leighannuh:
selenakwan:
katieeemarie:
kathleencaring: I don’t understand how you can smile all day long but cry yourself to sleep at night. How pictures never change but the people in them do. How your best friend can become your worst enemy, or how strange it is when your worst enemy turns into your best friend. How forever turns into a few short months that you’d do almost anything to get...
June 2010
13 posts
Yay, community college!
Philosophy Professor: Tomorrow I'll get into defining Virtue but you'll have to find Wisdom on your own.
(class laughs)
Blonde Girl: Okay, Professor? So you'll define the other terms for our quiz, but we just have to find Wisdom on our own?
(professor shakes his head)
Steven: Yeah, it took me a while to find Intelligence but Common Sense still eludes me.
At the wedding...
Tony: Uncle Sonny, do you want to do it with me?
Uncle Sonny: (in a very Asian accent) With you?! No! You're sick!
Tony: ...THE TOAST! I was asking if you wanted to do the toast with me! Oh my god!
Uncle Sonny: You need to be more clear about these things!
All jokes aside, I'd really like if someone could...
Julia: Someone dropped my laptop and it broke...
Robbie: What's wrong with it?
Julia: It detects a battery but won't charge it. It always says "plugged in, charging, 0%." It immediately shuts off once I unplug it.
Robbie: I would tell you to take it back to the company but they will probably rob you and look at your porn.
1 tag
Hatsune Miku - Ai-Kotoba
What did you eat...
1 tag
At least I don't live with him.
All week I had been looking forward to going out to eat with Trevor. We had planned to eat at Boiling Crab in Rowland Heights and we had invited several other friends.
When I was inviting Derrick, he said that graduation was the same day and asked if I wanted to go. I realized Alyssa would be graduating and it would be nice to see her off. Trevor agreed, so the plan changed for us to meet first...
How to Unclog a Toilet, by Derrick
Julia: Were you the one who has to call his parents for help every time he clogs the toilet?
Derrick: No, I fix it myself.
Julia: Yeah, right. If you fix it yourself, then tell me how you're supposed to fix it.
Derrick: Well first I grab my shovel...
Julia: ...
Derrick: And then I let go of my shovel.
Julia: Phew.
Derrick: And then I walk to my kitchen...
Julia: ...
Derrick: And I grab the tongs.
Julia: What the hell?!
Derrick: And then I grab the scissors. Not the kind for cutting paper. The kind you use to cut meat and stuff.
Julia: ...
Derrick: And then I cut the poop into bite-sized pieces.
Julia: ...And then what?!
Derrick: And then I flush it! Obviously I get rid of it! What else am I supposed to do after that? You're weird!
2 tags
Fanime 2010: Day 4
It was a chaotic morning. The guys stuffed their clothes into suitcases and played League of Legends while I meticulously folded my dirty laundry into my suitcase.
We spent the next few hours shopping. Protip: Don’t put off your shopping till the last day in hopes that everything will be marked down. Instead, you’ll find that not only is everything still the same price, but that...
2 tags
2 tags
2 tags
1 tag
May 2010
1 post
April 2010
13 posts
“Over 9 inches can be fatal for a girl. So I may have a small penis, but all my...”
– Posted on GameFAQs
Hmph.
Julia: "25 Reasons Why Boys Like Girls."
Julia: According to this list, I'm cute when I argue.
Julia: And I'm cute when I eat.
Steven: No.
Steven: You're a scary bitch when you argue.
Steven: And you're a scary bitch when you eat.
3 tags
I hate you, asshole Starbucks dude.
So my usual order at Starbucks is a “venti shaken black iced tea with 10 pumps of Classic sweetener and half & half instead of water.”
Their shaken iced tea costs $2.30 and consists of a condensed tea concentrate mixed with water. Sometimes bitches wanna charge me $0.50 extra for the half & half, but I usually just suck it up.
Today, I ordered my usual (see above) at the...
What a dumb, lucky bitch I am.
The other night I was driving Steven to my house from UCLA. The freeways weren’t empty, but everyone was going at a good speed.
Lately I’ve developed a new hobby of merging lanes quickly and at the last second to scare any passengers in my car.
As I was doing this, I asked Steven, “If I’m not surpassing the speed limit, what could I get in trouble for? Reckless...
In case Derrick is reading this and was...
Steven: Remember when I [opened the door while Derrick was changing and] saw Derrick naked?
Me: Yes... Why did you open the door anyway? I can't think of a single reason why you would.
Steven: Huh? I wanted to see his dick.
Pokérus?
Julia: Is the Pokérus a fanmade concept?
Steven: No? o_O It was in the game beginning second generation, but it was coded into first generation too. Why do you ask?
Julia: "It is only inevitable that people having sex with Gardevoirs and Lucarios will spawn a human-Pokémon species that will entirely wipe out the human population."
Steven: That's not the Pokérus most people talk about!
Awwwkward...
Julia: You know who's really cute?
Purely platonic male friend: You.
Julia: Uh, um... I was going to say Munchlax...
3 tags
Wait, what?
Me: ...And I told her my bra size, and she said, "No way! I could have sworn mine were bigger!"
Steven: Wow, so girls secretly compare sizes, the same way guys compare dick sizes?
“I already decided that if we were in a zombie apocalypse and my family were to...”
– Derrick Gutierrez
Oh, GameFAQs.
Internet Stalker: Sometimes I wonder... what Julia's farts smell like
Steven: Disgusting.
Internet Stalker: How is it disgusting appreciating everything about a woman's body?
Steven: Because it smells disgusting.
Internet Stalker: Would you have sex with Julia?
Internet Stalker: You realize blood, and eggs come out of her vagina.
Internet Stalker: That's pretty disgusting.
Steven: Because sniffing farts and having sex obviously give the same amount and kind of pleasure.